Posted in Odd Thinking

Everything happens for a reason

6499fcdb12e5fbf53287e2205ce33faeActually, that’s my favorite saying and you know me too well if you can remember what I always say. I say this every time something incredible happens and every time that something horrible happens. Either it’s gonna be good then gone to bad, or bad then it’d be worse.

When my father died, my world fell apart. At that time, I don’t care whether I’m gonna stick with my other step siblings just to honor my father. And yet I can’t, because it will be a sin for me to stick around and not liking what I’m doing. It’s like being in prison and that I can’t do anything about it. Well, like I always say, everything happens for a reason.

I don’t mean any disrespect from them but I want peace. We’re suppose to be connected but it’s not what I see. It’s not an obligation. But in any case, maybe this way, I’ll be able to realize one thing. I’m not one of them. Never been. Never were and never will be.

Yeah, I miss my dad. Even though we’re not that close, I missed his calls. I miss everything. The way we argue, the little talks, the way he cooks his dishes and man, he’s really good. I know he loves my mom. There are some ups and downs but that’s okay. We are always pulling through it. We don’t have the perfect relationship as father and daughter, but I guess, it’s good enough to know that he loves us.

The last time that I saw him was in the hospital. His lying on his bed, weak with the oxygen tank beside him because he can’t breathe. Me and my sister just went outside to eat some snacks, when suddenly my other sister rushed to the door and yelled, ” Si daddy”. My heart was pounding as I opened the door and saw him with 3 men who’s trying to revive him.

That afternoon, he left us, I just saw that he is covered with a red blanket and I ran outside to cry. My mom, my sister and brother came and we all bowed down our heads and cried. I don’t know what to feel at that very moment. It’s blank. It was November 13, 2016. They held a mourning for 3-4 days, and the burial was on, November 17, 2016. That was on my birthday. I cried at that time. I can’t seem to understand why’d it happen. Why him? Why would you take him away from us? I thought we will be able to bring him back to life.

or so I thought.

It never occurred to me that I will miss him. It didn’t came to me that I’ll be this sad to see him go. But he went. The realization of not having him anymore is too much to bear. I don’t want to remember the pain but I want to entirely overcome it. I always wonder what it’s like, to be there, in the coffin. I don’t know what to think. I’m also curious. Where would you go? What would you feel?

I can’t seem to understand why. But it did.

The reason that I was afraid to hear was, IT’S ABOUT TIME.

 

always the Odd one,

Bronte

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Embracing Reality ...

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