Not Good Enough…

Not good enough

I’m really just a normal girl.

I want normal things. Normal life. Everything. And I know it’s not gonna happen. Any person in this planet have differences. We are not normal. What’s normal anyway?

Or maybe the term is Average. Who knows what normal really means? Cause we would feel like it’s just things. Not the ones that we usually do.

I would like to celebrate to celebrate anniversaries, have surprises, travel in different places, so it’s normal cause I’m a girl? What if I’m a guy? would it still be normal? I think it depends on who you really are. It would be normal if it’s you.

The thing is, no one really knows why some people would like to be anybody else. In fact, it’s way cooler if you have your own identity. If you have your own signature. If you have your own title. Cause that’s you. Everybody knows that, that’s you and they will remember you completely.

You know why? Cause you’re not trying to be normal and you’re really not. You’re being YOU.

It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to let yourself out there and do your thing. No one would mind, no one should. Well in this case, just don’t go crazy if you need to be.

Place yourself on the right moment then everything will be good.

To me, something is quite out of it’s place. I always encourage others that they can do it. Just be yourself. Don’t underestimate your skills, your knowledge, your potential. Someone out there wants to have the things that you have. Just be grateful.

I can’t apply those things to myself. I’m now kind of depressed and I don’t know if I still want to continue living. There are times that I’m so down, I’m planning my own death. I know that it’s not good. I know that I can be better than this. But, how?

I always cry when I’m alone, or even right after I came home from work. I’ve said this before on my other post that I hate what I’m doing right now. I hate my job. I can’t do anything about it cause I know that the offer here is much more higher than other centers. I also went to my friends email support work and I’m already interviewed, but I was thinking, that the benefits is not as good as what this company is giving me. I just don’t want to take in calls anymore. I’m really sick of it. But this is the only job that I can do.

I wanted to pursue my course which is for Hotel Restaurant Services but I’m not good at it either. What am I good at? I’m not talented. I’m not really good at anything. That’s why I’m trying to be… normal? or yes, different. Because I know I am… but what am I suppose to provide? What’s my purpose? What’s my goal?

My boyfriend told me that I need to have determination. Someone told me that skills can be trained but attitude can’t be taught. And maybe that’s the reason why I’m not doing good is because of my attitude. I’m not helping myself. I’m trying to destroy it. No one can help me, but me. I’m drowning.

I’m still hoping that something will change. There’s still hope.

There should be.


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