Posted in Odd Thinking

Frienship

Friendship. The word friend plus the word that relationship. 

How wouldyou know if friendship is really formed? 

You’re okay the other day but the next day you aren’t. I’m confused and bothered by it. I just tought that the person who you can rely on will always be there… 

I was wrong. I don’t know if I am, but the feeling is hard to obtain. It’s a never ending quicksand. I felt like I’m gonna drown by my own thoughts. Am I still important to the person? 

Do I still have to ask if the friendship is over? 
Yeah. I get tired. Sometimes I still wonder if it’s worth it or not. 

I’m drifting. Far, far, away….

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Posted in Odd Thinking

Time-Off

I would like to have a time-off. A full rest. A full sleep. A full of everything that I could think of. 

People get tired and so am I. It doesn’t mean that we have to stop from there. We just need to be out there… to feel like you’re free. 

I’m not feelin’ it. I’m a prison of my thoughts and courage is beneath me. How will I ever conquer such madness. 

A vacation, like a week… that’ll hold it. Somehow. 

I can’t describe what I’m feeling right now. It’s like someone is grabbing my neck so tight that I can’t breathe. I don’t wanna think about it anymore. I want to let it out. 

I want to get out. 

Please. 

Posted in Odd Thinking

Mad

How long have I’ve been mad with a person? 

Not much. 

I can forgive them but I don’t forget what they did. It just kindda stuck to me. 

Or maybe I’m just the forgiving type… I’ll be the bigger person in the picture. I wanted it to be. No pride must harm any relationship there is. It won’t take you anywhere but on the wall that can’t be cracked. 

I always play in my mind the question, what if? 

What if it’s my last day on earth, would you do something different then when I was alive? 

What if I can’t bring back the relationship that we had before? Can we start all over again? 

What if there’s too much to live for, but we take it for granted because we always thought that tomorrow can be a different day and there’s a chance that it might turn our luck around? 

What if you won’t see that person again, would you like to know if you could turn back time and save anything that is lost? 

Time is endless and we can’t turn back the specific date that we screwed up. Use it wisely. Once you have done something negative… learn to know what are the things that you need to do if you are mad about something. 

Every clock is ticking. 

Watch yourself doing the right thing. Other people will do the same to you. 

If you’re angry, don’t hold a grudge. Talk to that person directly. It’s more effective to let everything out instead of holding everything in. It’s not healthy. Don’t wait for you to explode inside. 

Take a deep breathe. 

Let it out. 

Posted in When I wake Up...

Rollercoaster Elevator

I once have this dream of going to work. If you know my work history, you would know me. For those who didn’t know about it, well, I’ll just say that I hate my job.

So, okay, back to the dream. 

Maybe, unconciously, because of feeling like carrying a huge burden everytime I go to work, on why I had this dream. 

It seemed like, me and 2 of my co-workers jumped in this elevator. It’s made of glass. You can see everyone from the outside.

Then later, I’m wondering, why does it feel like the elevator doesn’t go up to the 9th floor. I am astounded as when I checked, we were headed to a different route. Forward. And there it goes! 

I don’t know what to do but we’re like in a roller coaster! It will go, ‘swooshhh’, straight forward then, left and right, where ever it feels like turning to. My body is being blown away so I have to hold on to one of my co-workers. Or sometimes to the handles of the elevator.

It sure is a bumpy ride. 

It really felt like Im riding one of the toughest ride in Enchanted Kingdom, like the space shuttle but I havent rode it before, but now I think I know the feeling, and without the safety buckles or anything. 

Especially the moment when we are about to drop from the highest peak of the ride. I sure am able to hold on for dear life. 

That’s when I realized, Im able to go back home and checked the time that it’s already 11am. I thought my shift was 9am-6pm. Haha. 

At the end, I didnt go to work and just went to sleep. 

And thats when I woke up. 

Maybe I really dont want to work and I just have no choice as of the moment, but still, it’s looks like a sign. 

Posted in Odd Thinking

My Favorite Dream

I want to re-enter this post from my old blog post.

This is the link.

https://mynameishungry.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/a-dream-and-another/

A Dream and Another…

I dreamt of you.

I don’t know why. I don’t know what I was thinking.
This happened maybe, 2 days ago.

We were in a small room and the place is unfamiliar. My friends were there and I was asleep. When I awoke by the noise because everyone was busy talking with each other…

…I saw you.

It looked like you were looking at me while I was asleep then turned away right after you and I realize that you’re staring at me while I was busy dreaming of you.

I remembered that a friend told me, “Hey, he keeps on looking at you. He didn’t flinched and stared at you the whole time that you’re asleep.”

I froze.
I blushed.
I was curious.

I asked myself, “Why?”.
I asked again, “Are you still in love with me?”

I can’t remember any other scenario after that… everything is blank.

We started to talk again. And yeah, I didn’t keep my pledge. I just wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t help it. I appreciate you taking the time to read my message and making time to even reply to one of my silly emoji’s.

I know it’s weird, and maybe it’s good that we have this kind of connection again, to not feel awkward if ever we meet one of these days.

This time of the year is when everything is cold, and I can feel the weather even rising when I’m talking to you. It feels like a soft and cold breeze that keeps on making me want to wake up every day.

Then this day came…

I dreamt of you… for a second time.

It’s kind of the same setting…

I saw myself automatically walking outside of my house but it has a different exterior but I know it’s mine. Then I saw you, looks like you are waiting for something… or someone?

While I was walking right passed you, I really didn’t know where I was going… I just kept on walking. I felt my footsteps so heavy while stepping on the pavements of the street. I think that I’m cold.

Then abruptly, I believe that I have forgotten something. I swiftly went back home and I saw you, ran passed you. You are still waiting and I sensed that you are somehow, disappointed?

“About what?”, I wonder.
“Were you waiting for me?”, I wondered again.
“Were you disappointed because I didn’t even stop and be with you at that moment?”, I wondered again and again.

I am frustrated about myself too.

When I went to the house, our friends were there…

Then someone told me, “Hey, did you know that he’s looking at you while you’re asleep? He can’t take his eyes off of you”.

Do they mean that before you went outside, you were there with me the whole time?

I was stunned. I know that this dream happened before, but why? Is it relevant on what’s going to take place now? Or that’s what’s happening right now? Or has it happened before?

I’m speechless.
I’m furious.
I’m confused.

I can’t use this as a sign. This is just a dream, right?

I thought about this. I didn’t know how am I going to interpret a situation like this. Was this a big deal or am I just making it like one?

Vague. Blurry. Unclear.

And I guess… Damn, I’m waiting for more.

*****

 

The reason why that this is my favorite dream is because this made me realize that I shouldn’t take anyone for granted, especially if that person really loves me so much and waited for me to come back to him.

I know that coming back to him is the greatest decision that I have ever made.

I wish he’ll stay. I wish that this relationship deserved the chance that it suppose to have.

Posted in Movie Critic, I wish!

13 Reasons Why…

I watched this Netflix series which only has one season and consists of 13 episodes. Well, the title of it gives it away. 

13 Reasons Why. 

I just played the series in one day. I’m having a headache right now but whatever, it’s kindda cool. Weird. And makes me think how I run my life. I don’t know if the depression of that girl is the same as mine but somehow, I wanna do what she did…

But… No, I’m not gonna do it. I hope. 

If any of you are curious, yeah, it’s the story about a girl who decided to end her life and she recorded 13 reasons why she did it. 

Life can be funny, and we can’t play with fate. We thought that some people might understand us which will never happen cause you never understand yourself in the first place. 

This is the time where I wanted to just scream… and let my heart out. It won’t. Even the tiniest screech won’t do. I cry. I just cry. That’s what I can do. I’m pretty much scared to hurt myself and I know that’s not a solution. It’s just going to let you escape and nothing will change. I guess let’s say, I still love my life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love him. 

13 Reasons Why I shouldn’t end my life and just live. 

13. My Curiosities. I’m a curious girl who wants to know what is what. I’m not a gossip, ugghh. I’m just, a girl who wants to ask things, or read things or write things. Something that will keep my mind busy. Something that I will ask my self. Something that is different and sometimes stupid to think about. 

12. My Responsibilities. I’m a big girl. I know what I should do for my family. Even though I’m not that great, I’m not smart, or anything. But I will do anything in my power to not lwt them down. I will still do it just for them. 

11. My Mission and Vision for my Family. I’m saving for my families future and also on mine as well. I plan to have a happy life but it doesn’t come out easy. 

10. My Challenges. And that’s why challeneges are really important to look forward to. I hate it. Actually I really do hate it. Why can’t I just have what I need to have? Why is it difficult to get what I want immediately? Maybe, we need to work hard for something in order to appreciate how we will get it. 

9. My Bucket List. I have my bucket list that I need to get rid off. I won’t be able to not unless it’s all done. It’s kindda helping me achieve my goals, even though I haven’t done anything yet on that list. Pfft. 

8. My Desire to put God’s hands in my own fate. I love God. Well, God is Love. I’m being more positive right now while I’m jotting this down. I smiled. God really has a way to make you feel good. 

7. My Trusted Friends. These friends of mine are really my pals. I called them trusted because I don’t really label them anything. I have a few friends and I’m greatful that I have someone like them for support. 

6. My Father. Uhmn. If you have read my previous posts then you know how my father died. We’re not that close but I know this is what he wanted me to be doing in my life. To be strong. I miss him. 

5. My Boyfriend. He’s my life saviour. He’s an angel in disguise. He always waited for me and he always loves me. I can never see any reason why i would replace him. He’s irreplacable. I know, he’s the one. I always wanted to remind myself that no other guy can love me the way he did. He’s extraordinary. 

4. My Younger Brother. To be honest, this brother of mine is sometimes getting on my nerves. On some level I still love this dude. I know he’s trying to change, trying to make it up to us. I feel his genuine care when it comes to our relationship as brother and sister and even as a son to mom. I wish that everything will go on smoothly from now on. No more fights. 

3. My Older Brother. We rarely see our older brother, he’s in a different country. He has a family and I know how it is a challenge for him and his family to not be together becuse of some circumstances. I envy his courage and we love him all the way. I know he still looks after us and we still look after him too. 

2. My Sister. I admire my baby sister. She’s my favorite person. She’s smart, caring and really finds time to know what she really wants. She has a lot of talent and I know there’s a big future ahead of her. I love her as she loves us. 

1. My Mom. She’s the best person that I have known in my 25 years of existence. She’s bossy and she knows what she’s doing. She’s really great. She never missed anything like giving us lectures on how things work. Sometimes she’s cold but we know that she’s warm in the inside. You can never trick her. Haha. One of a kind. 

This certain list might change and that’s normal. But as of right now, if you are experiencing any pain or anything at all. Look back to your life. If you’re still in pain, look again. To plan to end your life won’t change anything, that’s not how it works. 

I don’t plan to ruin my lovedones life either. I don’t want anyone to be in grief. Maybe there’s a better way to look at the brighter side of life. I may not be really feeling it this way right now… and I thought that maybe it would change and I know it will. 

Maybe not today, but someday. 

I’m still hoping for the best and I don’t want it to last. 

Posted in Itchy Feet

3-weekend Off

I had this 3 weekend off for a schedule transition. Later, I need to report to work.

I’ve been jogging now every morning, sometimes, friday night. It’s totally refreshing. Maybe the 30 day challenge is really not working for me because I’m too heavy to lift my weight and I don’t want to sprain myself.

I’m not looking at the weighing scale so that I will surprise myself if there are any changes for 2-3months.

On friday night, we’re suppose to run but something happened and it didn’t go as we planned. I can’t go alone cause it’s too dark. I just waited for my boyfriend to come by and play our online game. Then fell asleep.

This is RO Mobile. I’m just a newbie. And this game is in chinese. I’m trying to learn the basics. I’m not active on this game cause I want to focus on real life. I miss half of my life trying to play a game that makes me miss the enjoyment of everything.

This is Ragnarok Online: Valkyrie Uprising. Harpy server before but now merges to Griffon. Then I quit the game. PeculiarS was the guild name. So many memories.

This was created when Rovu had this contest then it thwey will give a prize for the 20 participants who will send a groupie. We were one of the guilds who were chosen. The prize that I received was an r4 mercenary S. Those were the days.

Saturday morning, me, my mom, my brother and his girlfriend went to Tagaytay. 

We went to Sonya’s Garden and the aroma of the plants with flowers are overempowering. It’s overwhelming. It’s a good thing that we are the only ones there because we can take pictures. 

This is what they call the ‘Proposal Garden’. I guess if you bring your girlfriend here and you asked her to dress up, she’ll get the jist.

My shoes matched the pavements.

I enjoyed the stroll. We became hungry and ate an egg sandwich. I really love egg sandwiches. Yum!

Sunflowers with a pink rose.

This is like a sanctuary. And they accomodate bed and breakfast as well.

It’s like the garden of life.

I’m really a noob when it comes to taking pictures. Pardon me.

We then take off to Twin lakes. There’s a large piece of land where they’re constructing for condominiums. There are restaurants aligned within the area and the view is stunning.

What am I looking for? Haha. Nah, it’s just hot.

We ate at Bagoong Club. We’re so hungry and yet full at the same time. We ordered Lechon Kawali and Bulalo with bagoong rice! I want to go back and eat it again. Haha.

It’s hot at the time so after we ate, we went to Ayala Mall. It’s just 12 in the afternoon. After a quick stroll and relaxed a bit, we decided to go to Charito’s Bag of Beans.

It’s exquisite restaurant and taste of color is simple yet relaxing. It’s quiet and peaceful.

We ordered Milkshakes, strawberry, blueberry and mocha.

For dessert, a blueberry cheesecake and banana split. We’re only there for the sweets. Haha.

They have this function room. A bit colorful and fun! Good for family gatherings.

We even take pictures at the comfort room! It’s actually nice and clean. Neat.

We were so tired and wanted to sleep. We went home at 4pm.

Sunday morning, my mom and I went for a jog and planned for our future business. It’s a secret as of now but I’m excited to see what’ll be the outcome. I have to be fit in order to fit the job description. I have to start with myself. Discipline is the key.

That afternoon, my boyfriend and I watched Beauty and the Beast.

We are so near the screen but I loved it.

Credits to google. This is my favorite scene. They’re fragile and honest. Emma is so beautiful. She’s one of my inspirations through life, being a feminist and all.

I’m always questioning myself, how people can do what they do. They’re successful and happy. I wish I can do the same. But as they always say, there are no success if there are no failures.

Focus and free your mind.

Oh well, that’s all for today. It’s a magical weekend and hoping to have fun next week!

Cheers!