Posted in Odd Thinking

Teal

This is a combination of medium blue-green color. We can also add yellow to it if you would like it to be brighter. 

You may also watch it from this YT page. 

https://youtu.be/Teal Acrylic Combination
Well, if you really know me, I really like the color Green. It’s vibrant, pleasing to the eyes, fresh…. and it’s nature. 

But you know what, it’s time for a change. I I’m not fond of the color green anymore, it changes into Teal. 

My mom said, “Finally, you’re awaken!” 

Hahaha. Not too sure why I laughed with the humor but yeah, I did realize, it’s time to change it. 

I don’t know what happened but I thought to myself that I don’t like it anymore. Maybe because I was too much back then. With all the green stuff. They also told me that my mind is also green. Much greener than the fields in Spring and Summer. 

Everywhere I go, If there’s green, I want to have it. I will compliment it. I will try to get it from you if you have something green that I can use. Haha. 

It’s 2018. It’s a great year to have changes. It sortta bringing out being a new you. Everyday is suppose to be a new day. Represent yourself as you are. 

Hurray for Teal! 

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Posted in Odd Thinking

Year 2018

Nope. If you’re thinking that I’m gonna tell you about my new year’s resolution, you’re wrong.

People tend to list down their new years resolution but do they actually do it? Would you say that you’ll just exercise the next morning because you have eaten alot during the holidays?

Well, if you really wanted to see the change, start it now. Not tomorrow, but right now. You won’t go anywhere else not unless you started something and determined that you’ll finish it.

I really wanted to change but for all these years, it’s never done. We can start the process in the middle of the year or sometimes in the beginning if you can. What matter’s most is, you do it. No excuses.

This year, 2018… I don’t know what will happen. I have a new job again and this time, I hoped that this is what I really need for me to function well. I don’t want to screw anything up. I’m worried.

Anyway, moving forward, it’s supposed to be just a normal day. A new beginning because it’s a new year.

I wish Papa is able to see this. We miss him.

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR fellow bloggers and to everyone!

Posted in Odd Thinking

Friendship

friendship
Friendship

Friendship. The word friend plus the word relationship.

How would you know if friendship is really formed?

You’re okay the other day but the next day you aren’t. I’m confused and bothered by it. I just thought that the person who you can rely on will always be there…

I was wrong. I don’t know if I am, but the feeling is hard to obtain. It’s a never ending quicksand. I felt like I’m gonna drown by my own thoughts. Am I still important to the person?

Do I still have to ask if the friendship is over?
Yeah. I get tired. Sometimes I still wonder if it’s worth it or not.

I’m drifting. Far, far, away….

We don’t need a translator to know what it’s supposed to be. I have cut off some people in my life. Some come back but it’s not the same anymore. Maybe that’s the reason why they left, because they are not suppose to come back.

I’m not perfect. I can’t be with you with all your problems but it doesn’t mean that I’m not with you along the way.

I admit, I’m stubborn. Hell, I am.

I also have too much pride but there are limits to everything. I can lower it for you if you can also do the same for me too.

I have said my goodbyes before and maybe I have to say it again. I’m not gonna make it easier for myself and I want to make it much easier for you.

A friendship is something that is unbreakable no matter what, and maybe it is if it’s the right one.

Friendship formed. Friendship lost.

Casual talks, I’m fine with that. It’s been years but yeah, I’m done.

Posted in Good for the Heart, Movie Critic, I wish!, Odd Thinking

13 Reasons Why…

I watched this Netflix series which only has one season and consists of 13 episodes. Well, the title of it gives it away.

13 Reasons Why.

I just played the series in one day. I’m having a headache right now but whatever, it’s kindda cool. Weird. And makes me think how I run my life. I don’t know if the depression of that girl is the same as mine but somehow, I wanna do what she did…

But… No, I’m not gonna do it. I hope.

If any of you are curious, yeah, it’s the story about a girl who decided to end her life and she recorded 13 reasons why she did it.

Life can be funny, and we can’t play with fate. We thought that some people might understand us which will never happen cause you never understand yourself in the first place.

This is the time where I wanted to just scream… and let my heart out. It won’t. Even the tiniest screech won’t do. I cry. I just cry. That’s what I can do. I’m pretty much scared to hurt myself and I know that’s not a solution. It’s just going to let you escape and nothing will change. I guess let’s say, I still love my life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love him.

13 Reasons Why I shouldn’t end my life and just live.

13. My Curiosities. I’m a curious girl who wants to know what is what. I’m not a gossip, ugghh. I’m just, a girl who wants to ask things, or read things or write things. Something that will keep my mind busy. Something that I will ask my self. Something that is different and sometimes stupid to think about.

12. My Responsibilities. I’m a big girl. I know what I should do for my family. Even though I’m not that great, I’m not smart, or anything. But I will do anything in my power to not let them down. I will still do it just for them.

11. My Mission and Vision for my Family. I’m saving for my families future and also on mine as well. I plan to have a happy life but it doesn’t come out easy.

10. My Challenges. And that’s why challenges are really important to look forward to. I hate it. Actually I really do hate it. Why can’t I just have what I need to have? Why is it difficult to get what I want immediately? Maybe, we need to work hard for something in order to appreciate how we will get it.

9. My Bucket List. I have my bucket list that I need to get rid off. I have to get it done. It’s kindda helping me achieve my goals, even though I haven’t done anything yet on that list. Pfft.

8. My Desire to put God’s hands in my own fate. I love God. Well, God is Love. I’m being more positive right now while I’m jotting this down. I smiled. God really has a way to make you feel good.

7. My Trusted Friends. These friends of mine are really my pals. I called them trusted because I don’t really label them anything. I have a few friends and I’m greatful that I have someone like them for support.

6. My Father. Uhmn. If you have read my previous posts then you know how my father died. We’re not that close but I know this is what he wanted me to be doing in my life. To be strong. I miss him.

5. My Boyfriend. He’s my life saviour. He’s an angel in disguise. He always waited for me and he always loves me. I can never see any reason why I would replace him. He’s irreplacable. I know, he’s the one. I always wanted to remind myself that no other guy can love me the way he did. He’s extraordinary.

4. My Younger Brother. To be honest, this brother of mine is sometimes getting on my nerves. On some level I still love this guy. I know he’s trying to change, trying to make it up to us. I feel his genuine care when it comes to our relationship as brother and sister and even as a son to mom to our mother. I wish that everything will go on smoothly from now on. No more fights.

3. My Older Brother. We rarely see our older brother, he’s in a different country. He has a family and I know how it is a challenge for him and his family to not be together becuse of some circumstances. I envy his courage and we love him all the way. I know he still looks after us and we still look after him too.

2. My Sister. I admire my baby sister. She’s my favorite person. She’s smart, caring and really finds time to know what she really wants. She has a lot of talent and I know there’s a big future ahead of her. I love her as she loves us.

1. My Mom. She’s the best person that I have known in my 25 years of existence. She’s bossy and she knows what she’s doing. She’s really great. She never missed anything like giving us lectures on how things work. Sometimes she’s cold but we know that she’s warm in the inside. You can never trick her. Haha. One of a kind.

This certain list might change and that’s normal. But as of right now, if you are experiencing any pain or anything at all. Look back at your life. If you’re still in pain, look again. To plan to end your life won’t change anything, that’s not how it works.

I don’t plan to ruin my loveones life either. I don’t want anyone to be in grief. Maybe there’s a better way to look at the brighter side of life. I may not be really feeling it this way right now… and I thought that maybe it would change and I know it will.

Maybe not today, but someday.

I’m still hoping for the best and I don’t want it to last.

Posted in Odd Thinking

Not Good Enough…

Not good enough

I’m really just a normal girl.

I want normal things. Normal life. Everything. And I know it’s not gonna happen. Any person in this planet have differences. We are not normal. What’s normal anyway?

Or maybe the term is Average. Who knows what normal really means? Cause we would feel like it’s just things. Not the ones that we usually do.

I would like to celebrate to celebrate anniversaries, have surprises, travel in different places, so it’s normal cause I’m a girl? What if I’m a guy? would it still be normal? I think it depends on who you really are. It would be normal if it’s you.

The thing is, no one really knows why some people would like to be anybody else. In fact, it’s way cooler if you have your own identity. If you have your own signature. If you have your own title. Cause that’s you. Everybody knows that, that’s you and they will remember you completely.

You know why? Cause you’re not trying to be normal and you’re really not. You’re being YOU.

It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to let yourself out there and do your thing. No one would mind, no one should. Well in this case, just don’t go crazy if you need to be.

Place yourself on the right moment then everything will be good.

To me, something is quite out of it’s place. I always encourage others that they can do it. Just be yourself. Don’t underestimate your skills, your knowledge, your potential. Someone out there wants to have the things that you have. Just be grateful.

I can’t apply those things to myself. I’m now kind of depressed and I don’t know if I still want to continue living. There are times that I’m so down, I’m planning my own death. I know that it’s not good. I know that I can be better than this. But, how?

I always cry when I’m alone, or even right after I came home from work. I’ve said this before on my other post that I hate what I’m doing right now. I hate my job. I can’t do anything about it cause I know that the offer here is much more higher than other centers. I also went to my friends email support work and I’m already interviewed, but I was thinking, that the benefits is not as good as what this company is giving me. I just don’t want to take in calls anymore. I’m really sick of it. But this is the only job that I can do.

I wanted to pursue my course which is for Hotel Restaurant Services but I’m not good at it either. What am I good at? I’m not talented. I’m not really good at anything. That’s why I’m trying to be… normal? or yes, different. Because I know I am… but what am I suppose to provide? What’s my purpose? What’s my goal?

My boyfriend told me that I need to have determination. Someone told me that skills can be trained but attitude can’t be taught. And maybe that’s the reason why I’m not doing good is because of my attitude. I’m not helping myself. I’m trying to destroy it. No one can help me, but me. I’m drowning.

I’m still hoping that something will change. There’s still hope.

There should be.

Posted in Have Gone Mad, Odd Thinking

An Unfortunate Event

unfortunate

I never wanted to talk about it anymore but, we trusted someone we shouldn’t trust. Somehow, he’s able to build the trust from several people and that’s us. Thus, I just wanted to let it out of my chest.

We knew he needs something. For his family. especially for his child. He borrowed money from us. He told us that there’s a job waiting for us. It’s a non-voice account. an email account. I was excited. We were. The job offer is kindda high and he informed us that he and the manager of tat account already arranged everything and we’re just down to the final and client interview.

Yeah, it’s too good to be true but we wanted to still try to see if it’s really true. I had my hopes up. Everybody did.

It’s just that, every time that we are near the call time, something will come up and he’ll come up with an excuse.

There’s an issue the communication at that time because we’re just text messaging each other. It’s a hell of a mess. A large one. We didn’t anticipated that someone would trick us. We wasted our time and he and the so-called manager who spelled the word Cab into ‘Cub’… now that’s suspicious. Not only that word but that so-called manager is not able to compose good sentences.

I’m not saying that I’m good at it, but it’s really obvious that professionalism is not observed on that person. They’re telling us that his child is in the hospital and the thing is, I showed up in that hospital but they made an excuse that they’re not there anymore or because he is too weak for me to let me see him in that sad situation.

We found out that they’re tricking us or he’s tricking us because of a simple take away. He texted us using the so-called managers number. Wrong send.

And we are stunned. Because we’re having some discussions that maybe he and the manager is only one person so that we’ll expect that there’s really a manager who’re we’re going to talk to on that company.

We are all pissed off. Mad. I don’t know who’s to blame.

Him, because he managed to make a huge scheme…

or Us, because we even believed it which is too good to be true…

I hate it. I hate that day.

This is the reason why I have trust issues. Sometimes you want to do something right… but there are some things that won’t go your way. Sometimes, people will try to do something different.

I believe in Karma. it will strike him, 100x.

I hope so.