Friendship

friendship

Friendship

Friendship. The word friend plus the word relationship.

How would you know if friendship is really formed?

You’re okay the other day but the next day you aren’t. I’m confused and bothered by it. I just thought that the person who you can rely on will always be there…

I was wrong. I don’t know if I am, but the feeling is hard to obtain. It’s a never ending quicksand. I felt like I’m gonna drown by my own thoughts. Am I still important to the person?

Do I still have to ask if the friendship is over?
Yeah. I get tired. Sometimes I still wonder if it’s worth it or not.

I’m drifting. Far, far, away….

We don’t need a translator to know what it’s supposed to be. I have cut off some people in my life. Some come back but it’s not the same anymore. Maybe that’s the reason why they left, because they are not suppose to come back.

I’m not perfect. I can’t be with you with all your problems but it doesn’t mean that I’m not with you along the way.

I admit, I’m stubborn. Hell, I am.

I also have too much pride but there are limits to everything. I can lower it for you if you can also do the same for me too.

I have said my goodbyes before and maybe I have to say it again. I’m not gonna make it easier for myself and I want to make it much easier for you.

A friendship is something that is unbreakable no matter what, and maybe it is if it’s the right one.

Friendship formed. Friendship lost.

Casual talks, I’m fine with that. It’s been years but yeah, I’m done.

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Konoha and you

Hey. 

How are you? 

It’s been a week since the last time that we saw you. It’s been a hell of a week for all of us. We can’t seem to get over it yet, but we will. 

When the time that I saw you in that bed. In that white, sealed, with no air to breathe in, coffin… everything was so dark. My eyes were not showing any lights, nor any emotions. I just stood there. Not able to shed even a single tear. I don’t know why but I didn’t feel anything at that time. Looks like I just can’t believe that you were gone. 

I really am bad when it gets to being emotional right now. It feels weird. But then days passed, these suppressed feelings are trying to get out. Trying to feel like a ton of weight and I finally thought, “Yeah, it’s sinking in…”.

Maybe when I look at it, I will still think that you’re still alive. That you’re still with us. That you’re just joking around. But then when we saw your name on that chapel… and saw your lifeless body, we became stuck. Tears were everywhere and even silence. 

We received the message about you the same day that we saw this Ramen Store called, “Konoha”. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, maybe not. Maybe it’s a sign but we just didn’t know it yet. 

We heard the news and this store is the first time that came to my mind. This is related to the anime that you really like. You always run like a ninja on the hall ways. And, you gave me, Pain. Literally and figuratively. 

When we’re in college, I somewhat told you that I liked Pain from the anime series, Naruto and you told me that it so happens that you have this anime figure at home. As a present on my birthday, you gave this to me. I was so happy back then. And still happy now. 

Ill treasure this and the memories that we created with our friends. You will always be remembered.

You were our ninja. Our very own Hokage. Haha. 

And we miss you. 

always the Odd one,

Bronte

Everything happens for a reason

6499fcdb12e5fbf53287e2205ce33faeActually, that’s my favorite saying and you know me too well if you can remember what I always say. I say this every time something incredible happens and every time that something horrible happens. Either it’s gonna be good then gone to bad, or bad then it’d be worse.

When my father died, my world fell apart. At that time, I don’t care whether I’m gonna stick with my other step siblings just to honor my father. And yet I can’t, because it will be a sin for me to stick around and not liking what I’m doing. It’s like being in prison and that I can’t do anything about it. Well, like I always say, everything happens for a reason.

I don’t mean any disrespect from them but I want peace. We’re suppose to be connected but it’s not what I see. It’s not an obligation. But in any case, maybe this way, I’ll be able to realize one thing. I’m not one of them. Never been. Never were and never will be.

Yeah, I miss my dad. Even though we’re not that close, I missed his calls. I miss everything. The way we argue, the little talks, the way he cooks his dishes and man, he’s really good. I know he loves my mom. There are some ups and downs but that’s okay. We are always pulling through it. We don’t have the perfect relationship as father and daughter, but I guess, it’s good enough to know that he loves us.

The last time that I saw him was in the hospital. His lying on his bed, weak with the oxygen tank beside him because he can’t breathe. Me and my sister just went outside to eat some snacks, when suddenly my other sister rushed to the door and yelled, ” Si daddy”. My heart was pounding as I opened the door and saw him with 3 men who’s trying to revive him.

That afternoon, he left us, I just saw that he is covered with a red blanket and I ran outside to cry. My mom, my sister and brother came and we all bowed down our heads and cried. I don’t know what to feel at that very moment. It’s blank. It was November 13, 2016. They held a mourning for 3-4 days, and the burial was on, November 17, 2016. That was on my birthday. I cried at that time. I can’t seem to understand why’d it happen. Why him? Why would you take him away from us? I thought we will be able to bring him back to life.

or so I thought.

It never occurred to me that I will miss him. It didn’t came to me that I’ll be this sad to see him go. But he went. The realization of not having him anymore is too much to bear. I don’t want to remember the pain but I want to entirely overcome it. I always wonder what it’s like, to be there, in the coffin. I don’t know what to think. I’m also curious. Where would you go? What would you feel?

I can’t seem to understand why. But it did.

The reason that I was afraid to hear was, IT’S ABOUT TIME.

 

always the Odd one,

Bronte