Posted in Dream Catcher, When I wake Up...

My Favorite Dream

Dream

I want to re-enter this post from my old blog post.

This is the link.

https://mynameishungry.wordpress.com/2015/07/12/a-dream-and-another/

A Dream and Another…

I dreamt of you.

I don’t know why. I don’t know what I was thinking.
This happened maybe, 2 days ago.

We were in a small room and the place is unfamiliar. My friends were there and I was asleep. When I awoke by the noise because everyone was busy talking with each other…

…I saw you.

It looked like you were looking at me while I was asleep then turned away right after you and I realize that you’re staring at me while I was busy dreaming of you.

I remembered that a friend told me, “Hey, he keeps on looking at you. He didn’t flinched and stared at you the whole time that you’re asleep.”

I froze.
I blushed.
I was curious.

I asked myself, “Why?”.
I asked again, “Are you still in love with me?”

I can’t remember any other scenario after that… everything is blank.

We started to talk again. And yeah, I didn’t keep my pledge. I just wanted to talk to you. I couldn’t help it. I appreciate you taking the time to read my message and making time to even reply to one of my silly emoji’s.

I know it’s weird, and maybe it’s good that we have this kind of connection again, to not feel awkward if ever we meet one of these days.

This time of the year is when everything is cold, and I can feel the weather even rising when I’m talking to you. It feels like a soft and cold breeze that keeps on making me want to wake up every day.

Then this day came…

I dreamt of you… for a second time.

It’s kind of the same setting…

I saw myself automatically walking outside of my house but it has a different exterior but I know it’s mine. Then I saw you, looks like you are waiting for something… or someone?

While I was walking right passed you, I really didn’t know where I was going… I just kept on walking. I felt my footsteps so heavy while stepping on the pavements of the street. I think that I’m cold.

Then abruptly, I believe that I have forgotten something. I swiftly went back home and I saw you, ran passed you. You are still waiting and I sensed that you are somehow, disappointed?

“About what?”, I wonder.
“Were you waiting for me?”, I wondered again.
“Were you disappointed because I didn’t even stop and be with you at that moment?”, I wondered again and again.

I am frustrated about myself too.

When I went to the house, our friends were there…

Then someone told me, “Hey, did you know that he’s looking at you while you’re asleep? He can’t take his eyes off of you”.

Do they mean that before you went outside, you were there with me the whole time?

I was stunned. I know that this dream happened before, but why? Is it relevant on what’s going to take place now? Or that’s what’s happening right now? Or has it happened before?

I’m speechless.
I’m furious.
I’m confused.

I can’t use this as a sign. This is just a dream, right?

I thought about this. I didn’t know how am I going to interpret a situation like this. Was this a big deal or am I just making it like one?

Vague. Blurry. Unclear.

And I guess… Damn, I’m waiting for more.

*****

 

The reason why that this is my favorite dream is because this made me realize that I shouldn’t take anyone for granted, especially if that person really loves me so much and waited for me to come back to him.

I know that coming back to him is the greatest decision that I have ever made.

I wish he’ll stay. I wish that this relationship deserved the chance that it suppose to have.

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Posted in Good for the Heart, Movie Critic, I wish!, Odd Thinking

13 Reasons Why…

I watched this Netflix series which only has one season and consists of 13 episodes. Well, the title of it gives it away.

13 Reasons Why.

I just played the series in one day. I’m having a headache right now but whatever, it’s kindda cool. Weird. And makes me think how I run my life. I don’t know if the depression of that girl is the same as mine but somehow, I wanna do what she did…

But… No, I’m not gonna do it. I hope.

If any of you are curious, yeah, it’s the story about a girl who decided to end her life and she recorded 13 reasons why she did it.

Life can be funny, and we can’t play with fate. We thought that some people might understand us which will never happen cause you never understand yourself in the first place.

This is the time where I wanted to just scream… and let my heart out. It won’t. Even the tiniest screech won’t do. I cry. I just cry. That’s what I can do. I’m pretty much scared to hurt myself and I know that’s not a solution. It’s just going to let you escape and nothing will change. I guess let’s say, I still love my life. I love my family. I love my friends. I love him.

13 Reasons Why I shouldn’t end my life and just live.

13. My Curiosities. I’m a curious girl who wants to know what is what. I’m not a gossip, ugghh. I’m just, a girl who wants to ask things, or read things or write things. Something that will keep my mind busy. Something that I will ask my self. Something that is different and sometimes stupid to think about.

12. My Responsibilities. I’m a big girl. I know what I should do for my family. Even though I’m not that great, I’m not smart, or anything. But I will do anything in my power to not let them down. I will still do it just for them.

11. My Mission and Vision for my Family. I’m saving for my families future and also on mine as well. I plan to have a happy life but it doesn’t come out easy.

10. My Challenges. And that’s why challenges are really important to look forward to. I hate it. Actually I really do hate it. Why can’t I just have what I need to have? Why is it difficult to get what I want immediately? Maybe, we need to work hard for something in order to appreciate how we will get it.

9. My Bucket List. I have my bucket list that I need to get rid off. I have to get it done. It’s kindda helping me achieve my goals, even though I haven’t done anything yet on that list. Pfft.

8. My Desire to put God’s hands in my own fate. I love God. Well, God is Love. I’m being more positive right now while I’m jotting this down. I smiled. God really has a way to make you feel good.

7. My Trusted Friends. These friends of mine are really my pals. I called them trusted because I don’t really label them anything. I have a few friends and I’m greatful that I have someone like them for support.

6. My Father. Uhmn. If you have read my previous posts then you know how my father died. We’re not that close but I know this is what he wanted me to be doing in my life. To be strong. I miss him.

5. My Boyfriend. He’s my life saviour. He’s an angel in disguise. He always waited for me and he always loves me. I can never see any reason why I would replace him. He’s irreplacable. I know, he’s the one. I always wanted to remind myself that no other guy can love me the way he did. He’s extraordinary.

4. My Younger Brother. To be honest, this brother of mine is sometimes getting on my nerves. On some level I still love this guy. I know he’s trying to change, trying to make it up to us. I feel his genuine care when it comes to our relationship as brother and sister and even as a son to mom to our mother. I wish that everything will go on smoothly from now on. No more fights.

3. My Older Brother. We rarely see our older brother, he’s in a different country. He has a family and I know how it is a challenge for him and his family to not be together becuse of some circumstances. I envy his courage and we love him all the way. I know he still looks after us and we still look after him too.

2. My Sister. I admire my baby sister. She’s my favorite person. She’s smart, caring and really finds time to know what she really wants. She has a lot of talent and I know there’s a big future ahead of her. I love her as she loves us.

1. My Mom. She’s the best person that I have known in my 25 years of existence. She’s bossy and she knows what she’s doing. She’s really great. She never missed anything like giving us lectures on how things work. Sometimes she’s cold but we know that she’s warm in the inside. You can never trick her. Haha. One of a kind.

This certain list might change and that’s normal. But as of right now, if you are experiencing any pain or anything at all. Look back at your life. If you’re still in pain, look again. To plan to end your life won’t change anything, that’s not how it works.

I don’t plan to ruin my loveones life either. I don’t want anyone to be in grief. Maybe there’s a better way to look at the brighter side of life. I may not be really feeling it this way right now… and I thought that maybe it would change and I know it will.

Maybe not today, but someday.

I’m still hoping for the best and I don’t want it to last.

Posted in Itchy Feet

3-weekend Off

I had this 3 weekend off for a schedule transition. Later, I need to report to work.

I’ve been jogging now every morning, sometimes, friday night. It’s totally refreshing. Maybe the 30 day challenge is really not working for me because I’m too heavy to lift my weight and I don’t want to sprain myself.

I’m not looking at the weighing scale so that I will surprise myself if there are any changes for 2-3months.

On friday night, we’re suppose to run but something happened and it didn’t go as we planned. I can’t go alone cause it’s too dark. I just waited for my boyfriend to come by and play our online game. Then fell asleep.

This is RO Mobile. I’m just a newbie. And this game is in chinese. I’m trying to learn the basics. I’m not active on this game cause I want to focus on real life. I miss half of my life trying to play a game that makes me miss the enjoyment of everything.

This is Ragnarok Online: Valkyrie Uprising. Harpy server before but now merges to Griffon. Then I quit the game. PeculiarS was the guild name. So many memories.

This was created when Rovu had this contest then it thwey will give a prize for the 20 participants who will send a groupie. We were one of the guilds who were chosen. The prize that I received was an r4 mercenary S. Those were the days.

Saturday morning, me, my mom, my brother and his girlfriend went to Tagaytay. 

We went to Sonya’s Garden and the aroma of the plants with flowers are overempowering. It’s overwhelming. It’s a good thing that we are the only ones there because we can take pictures. 

This is what they call the ‘Proposal Garden’. I guess if you bring your girlfriend here and you asked her to dress up, she’ll get the jist.

My shoes matched the pavements.

I enjoyed the stroll. We became hungry and ate an egg sandwich. I really love egg sandwiches. Yum!

Sunflowers with a pink rose.

This is like a sanctuary. And they accomodate bed and breakfast as well.

It’s like the garden of life.

I’m really a noob when it comes to taking pictures. Pardon me.

We then take off to Twin lakes. There’s a large piece of land where they’re constructing for condominiums. There are restaurants aligned within the area and the view is stunning.

What am I looking for? Haha. Nah, it’s just hot.

We ate at Bagoong Club. We’re so hungry and yet full at the same time. We ordered Lechon Kawali and Bulalo with bagoong rice! I want to go back and eat it again. Haha.

It’s hot at the time so after we ate, we went to Ayala Mall. It’s just 12 in the afternoon. After a quick stroll and relaxed a bit, we decided to go to Charito’s Bag of Beans.

It’s exquisite restaurant and taste of color is simple yet relaxing. It’s quiet and peaceful.

We ordered Milkshakes, strawberry, blueberry and mocha.

For dessert, a blueberry cheesecake and banana split. We’re only there for the sweets. Haha.

They have this function room. A bit colorful and fun! Good for family gatherings.

We even take pictures at the comfort room! It’s actually nice and clean. Neat.

We were so tired and wanted to sleep. We went home at 4pm.

Sunday morning, my mom and I went for a jog and planned for our future business. It’s a secret as of now but I’m excited to see what’ll be the outcome. I have to be fit in order to fit the job description. I have to start with myself. Discipline is the key.

That afternoon, my boyfriend and I watched Beauty and the Beast.

We are so near the screen but I loved it.

Credits to google. This is my favorite scene. They’re fragile and honest. Emma is so beautiful. She’s one of my inspirations through life, being a feminist and all.

I’m always questioning myself, how people can do what they do. They’re successful and happy. I wish I can do the same. But as they always say, there are no success if there are no failures.

Focus and free your mind.

Oh well, that’s all for today. It’s a magical weekend and hoping to have fun next week!

Cheers!

Posted in Odd Thinking

Not Good Enough…

Not good enough

I’m really just a normal girl.

I want normal things. Normal life. Everything. And I know it’s not gonna happen. Any person in this planet have differences. We are not normal. What’s normal anyway?

Or maybe the term is Average. Who knows what normal really means? Cause we would feel like it’s just things. Not the ones that we usually do.

I would like to celebrate to celebrate anniversaries, have surprises, travel in different places, so it’s normal cause I’m a girl? What if I’m a guy? would it still be normal? I think it depends on who you really are. It would be normal if it’s you.

The thing is, no one really knows why some people would like to be anybody else. In fact, it’s way cooler if you have your own identity. If you have your own signature. If you have your own title. Cause that’s you. Everybody knows that, that’s you and they will remember you completely.

You know why? Cause you’re not trying to be normal and you’re really not. You’re being YOU.

It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to let yourself out there and do your thing. No one would mind, no one should. Well in this case, just don’t go crazy if you need to be.

Place yourself on the right moment then everything will be good.

To me, something is quite out of it’s place. I always encourage others that they can do it. Just be yourself. Don’t underestimate your skills, your knowledge, your potential. Someone out there wants to have the things that you have. Just be grateful.

I can’t apply those things to myself. I’m now kind of depressed and I don’t know if I still want to continue living. There are times that I’m so down, I’m planning my own death. I know that it’s not good. I know that I can be better than this. But, how?

I always cry when I’m alone, or even right after I came home from work. I’ve said this before on my other post that I hate what I’m doing right now. I hate my job. I can’t do anything about it cause I know that the offer here is much more higher than other centers. I also went to my friends email support work and I’m already interviewed, but I was thinking, that the benefits is not as good as what this company is giving me. I just don’t want to take in calls anymore. I’m really sick of it. But this is the only job that I can do.

I wanted to pursue my course which is for Hotel Restaurant Services but I’m not good at it either. What am I good at? I’m not talented. I’m not really good at anything. That’s why I’m trying to be… normal? or yes, different. Because I know I am… but what am I suppose to provide? What’s my purpose? What’s my goal?

My boyfriend told me that I need to have determination. Someone told me that skills can be trained but attitude can’t be taught. And maybe that’s the reason why I’m not doing good is because of my attitude. I’m not helping myself. I’m trying to destroy it. No one can help me, but me. I’m drowning.

I’m still hoping that something will change. There’s still hope.

There should be.

Posted in Have Gone Mad, Odd Thinking

An Unfortunate Event

unfortunate

I never wanted to talk about it anymore but, we trusted someone we shouldn’t trust. Somehow, he’s able to build the trust from several people and that’s us. Thus, I just wanted to let it out of my chest.

We knew he needs something. For his family. especially for his child. He borrowed money from us. He told us that there’s a job waiting for us. It’s a non-voice account. an email account. I was excited. We were. The job offer is kindda high and he informed us that he and the manager of tat account already arranged everything and we’re just down to the final and client interview.

Yeah, it’s too good to be true but we wanted to still try to see if it’s really true. I had my hopes up. Everybody did.

It’s just that, every time that we are near the call time, something will come up and he’ll come up with an excuse.

There’s an issue the communication at that time because we’re just text messaging each other. It’s a hell of a mess. A large one. We didn’t anticipated that someone would trick us. We wasted our time and he and the so-called manager who spelled the word Cab into ‘Cub’… now that’s suspicious. Not only that word but that so-called manager is not able to compose good sentences.

I’m not saying that I’m good at it, but it’s really obvious that professionalism is not observed on that person. They’re telling us that his child is in the hospital and the thing is, I showed up in that hospital but they made an excuse that they’re not there anymore or because he is too weak for me to let me see him in that sad situation.

We found out that they’re tricking us or he’s tricking us because of a simple take away. He texted us using the so-called managers number. Wrong send.

And we are stunned. Because we’re having some discussions that maybe he and the manager is only one person so that we’ll expect that there’s really a manager who’re we’re going to talk to on that company.

We are all pissed off. Mad. I don’t know who’s to blame.

Him, because he managed to make a huge scheme…

or Us, because we even believed it which is too good to be true…

I hate it. I hate that day.

This is the reason why I have trust issues. Sometimes you want to do something right… but there are some things that won’t go your way. Sometimes, people will try to do something different.

I believe in Karma. it will strike him, 100x.

I hope so.

Posted in Health and Wealth

30 Day Fitness Challenge: Day 9

Easy Plan 1. 

No good improvements yet but I think it’s getting there. I just ate a 4 cheese pizza, potato wedges and shrimp pasta yesterday. Tsk. This is bad. I need to control myself. This is my struggle. 

I’m now going to work again for later. 

We didn’t go to my father’s grave even though it’s his birthday. I kept on thinking, is he really there? He’s in our hearts now. In our memories. I don’t wanna remember him weak. He’s a strong man. I know he’s guiding us. 

I know he also wants me to take care of my health. Of our health. I’m also dedicating this to him and to myself. I want him to know that I won’t let him down. 

Sweetdreams. 

always the Odd one,

Bronte