My Mom

I just remembered and saw my mom’s blog site.

The last time that she opened it was 2 months ago.

She still keeps updating it. It’s good.

If you do have the time, please read her posts and follow her too.

She’s a writer. A teacher. A mother. I really love her. 🙂

Here’s the WordPress.com site:

https://amidemanila.wordpress.com/

Thank you!

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Like a Fool

 

We take a chance from time to time
And put our necks out on the line
And you have broken every promise that we made
And I have loved you anyway
Took a fine time to leave me hangin’ out to dry
Understand now I’m grievin’
So don’t you waste my time
‘Cause you have taken
All the wind out from my sails
And I have loved you just the same
We finally find this
Then you’re gone
Been chasin’ rainbows all along
And you have cursed me
When there’s no one left to blame
And I have loved you just the same
And you have broken every single fucking rule
And I have loved you like a fool
I know that this song is perfect.
He loved me like a fool.
He waited.
I’ve been an idiot.
I’ve been stupid.
I left several times.
But he loved me anyway.
He already forgiven me.
But I can’t forgive myself till now.
For the last time, I won’t screw it up.
I’ll make it up to him.
I won’t leave you hanging anymore.
I’ll take care of you like you’ve been taking care of me.
For all the mistakes.
For all the faults.
For leaving you.
For taking me in again.
For loving me.
For waiting for me.
You didn’t judge me.
You still cared.
You are always there for me.
Let me be a fool.
I will be.
For you.
I love you.

Hearts Day

 

Though 14 already passed, but it’s fine.

The feeling of being loved  or being in love is the certainty that someone will be there for you. No matter what. That’s what love is.

It’s now Feb 27 and just one more day. It doesn’t mean that the love will end there.

Don’t forget to forgive. You may still remember the things that happened before, but as time goes by, little by little… you can forgive the person, but it takes time.

Wait for it to heal first, before anything else.

 

Happy Hearts.

 

What I realized.

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1. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER ASSUME

– First of , let me ask you this. Have you ever felt like you know it then you assumed that your hunch is right? Everyone does that. It’s not a crime to do that but as you can see, there are things that you can’t handle if you’re caught in the middle.

I’m kind of like that person… I’m so close to my friends and even to my love one that i assumed i really know them by heart… and the sad part is, I was wrong. now, i can’t stand the fact that I’ve been controlling myself for months now, just to really consider on what they truly feel. I’m not myself lately and it’s because I’m thinking of them. I don’t want to completely let them go away out of my grasp but I have a feeling that they are… they’re getting away from me.

2. NEVER EXPECT/SET EXPECTATIONS

– For one thing that I’ve been doing right now that i want to be aware of everyday is to never expect anything in return. If you’re doing the best that you can for a friend or a love one, just do it because you want to, and not because it’s just an obligation that you need to fulfill. If you’re gonna expect for something, sometimes it hurts if you’ll expect something in return. If it’s a good deed, Leave it be. Karma is not for negative things only.

– Needs to set expectations. It will help you in the future. People will come to you and say.. “Thanks for the reminder”  or “It’s good that I’ve expected this to happen and it really hurts, but at least not that much because I’m aware of it.”

Things like that is what we should bare in mind. We can never be numb… unless you’re not a person from planet Earth. By the way, I’m from Pluto. (^-^)

3. NEVER DEMAND

– Remember #1? I’m a demanding person. (Is this the right way to put it in a sentence?) Anyway, I’ve been seeing it clearly especially in this kind of category, I’m a kind of friend that’s not gonna ask if you’re free on this/that day(but sometimes I’m doing it), I’ll just tell you right away that we’ve got something to do. it’s not on a form of question but it’s on a form where all you can say is, “you planned this without getting my approval first if i wanted to go or not?”. i’m not waiting for you to say that but you’d rather go with me than saying this. LoL.

but, lately, i’ve noticed… i’m not doing this kind of thing anymore. i rarely ask my friends if they wanted to have lunch together, or maybe go to the movies… i don’t know why. is it because someone alarmed me that i need to set them free? they have their own lives and i’m pushing them on what i really wanted. maybe i’m just not able to ask them what they really wanted. maybe that’s really it. and maybe that’s also the reason why i’m alone right now. afraid of their rejection.

4. DON’T HURT THE ONE WHO REALLY LOVES YOU, IN RETURN, JUST LOVE HIM BACK

– my boyfriend has a really strong will power. i don’t know where he gets it but it also made me stronger. he never demanded anything… even though i’ve done a thing to him that’s really unforgivable but still he believes in me. he believed me. i noticed that after that year, i’ve changed. i appreciated him for staying and for being loyal and honest to me. i don’t know how to repay him. and i know that all he really wanted is for me to stay. by his side. just to love him more. i never thought that i’m going to have this kind of feeling over a guy… so much. he accepted me. again. i love him so much.

5. IF THERE’S  A WILL, THERE’S A WAY

– there were times that i didn’t have the courage to go further. just like my situation at our office. i’m weak. i’m always saying that i don’t want to do it anymore… that i’m too slow to catch on. but there are some cases that sometimes a scenario will make me dedicated to what i’ve done so far. i know  still can do it… but i’m scared to even go on my own. brave is the adjective that i’ve come up with during our training for a call center agent position. and i’m still wondering where’s my will to fight for that title?

6. NO MAKING EXCUSES FOR MAKING A DECISION

– every one of us has a different story to tell. it’ s either good or bad it’s still their story or yours. you can’t make up for the lost times but you can still have a good memories with them right now… moving forward to what you can do with/for your love ones. if something goes wrong, they can forgive you but they can’t seriously forget that. make sure that you’ll take full responsibility of your actions. it’s still you who’s making your own destiny. still your decision,

7. IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING, SET IT FREE

– i’ve loved all the ones that’s dearest to me. i’ve set them free. they can do whatever they want. i’m not going to interfere on any decisions that they have chosen. it’s their life. they’re the director of their own life story. i’ve meddled with their life for so long and i’ve had enough. it’s not right… but sometimes you just want what’s good for them… and it’s gotta stop. they’re not kids anymore and if they have to face the challenges that they have to conquer, all you can do is to support them so they’ll do the best that they can to get the job done. that’s why you’re their friend. you’re there to make sure that they have a friend who they can lean on to, who they can hug and who they can cry with. that’s your role. they’ll be free. you have set them free…

8. HATE THE WORD “PROMISE”

– many of you knows that if you made a promise you must keep it… but base on my experiences, i really am not fond of that word. and as you can see if you got along with me, you’re not able to hear it from me. i’d rather say the word, “i swear”.

it’s not that people are breaking promises all the time but it’s alright to if i don’t believe on that stuff. because if you’re really a friend, you’ll do whatever it takes to keep your word, with or without promises.

9. ENJOY LIFE AS IT SHOULD BE

– when i finished the book, The Fault in our Stars by John Green… it made me wonder how life could be different. it made me realized hat i’m blessed to be alive and healthy. happiness is a choice, right? and i know deep down that i really want to be happy. despite of the hardship that i’m encountering now, no one should be able to make me regret what i just did. somehow i’m greatful that i’m still alive. you can never know what you can really do unless you’ve tried your best. not just best… but all your BEST.

10. LIVE LIKE YOU’RE DYING

– i love watching movies so i’ve picked this message on the movie, “The Bucket List”. two people who’s going nuts over a list of things that they must do before they die because of cancer. it’s a brave thing to do actually. they didn’t give up until the very end. and the best part that i’ve seen there is… they’ve witnessed a miracle.

do what you wanted to do… not tomorrow, not the next day, but today. it’s not that something bad is gonna happen, but it would best if you’re going to do it NOW. the thing that you can do today, is going to be your treasure tomorrow. believe me. tried and tested.

11. BE SECRETIVE/DON’t LET SOMEONE FIGURE YOU OUT EASILY

– privacy is very, very, very, very important. don’t broadcast to the world who you really are. let them explore your life and let them be a part of your life as well. it’s not gonna hurt you, but in some instances make sure that you’re not giving everything away. you have you’r own mind, heart, body and soul. they must respect your well-being and they understand that you have something more important to dig in within yourself without anyone’s help. no one can really help you but you.

that’s one of the things how people can respect you. having self-respect.

– let them feel that you’re not giving away your thoughts to anyone. it’s good to know that you can control yourself on giving out unnecessary information to people who’s not involved with the situation and if they were, don’t mind about it too. just keep your mouth shut and just keep it to yourself.

12. DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE

– this mistake is the kind of mistake that is not forgivable. whether you it or not, if you did something wrong, you’re dead for sure. nah, just joking. it actually not depends on you. it also depends on people who believes you… or on how they reacted about the situation. it’s not your fault that they can’t understand what you did. because believe me or not, if they’re on your shoes right now, they’ll have a hard time explaining it to you too. nothing’s fair. it never was. and we’re only human. all of us have done mistakes. no one is an exception.

13. DON’T BE CLINGY

– the whole point of it all. i’ve learned so many things and yet this is the part where i can rest for a bit then move on.

i’m a bit too clingy myself. some say, i can’t depend on anyone but myself and that’s a pretty good point. and i don’t want to annoy people too much because no matter where they do, i wanna know everything and i want to do it with them, and that’s not good.

i need to be sensitive enough to understand that i don’t need to be there with them all the time. that’s why a freind told me, i should have a ‘me’ time.

 

for now i need to organize everything according to plan. i don’t really have a plan, but i’m planning to have aplan. doesn’t makesense, does it? LoL.

these are not all the things that i’ve learned and there are some more that i can think of but right now, these are the things that i need to focus on. and my priority will come higher and higher until i can reach them no more.

 

good luck to me.

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[Reblogged and Edited from July 20, 2013]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot. The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.”

One of my favorite movie.

It’s so sad, isn’t it? Being forgotten by the most important person in your world and just like that,

you are not remembered.

Why would you think that you will get bored of someone that you once loved? Or are you just experiencing a post-traumatic disorder where you realize you wanted to be alone, without him/her in your life?

Have you ever ask yourself, do you really love the person? Because if you do, you must be committed in every way you can to make them happy. Yes. Sometimes it will be rough. you will encounter hardships along the way, and it will not be the fairy tale that you wanted it to be. It can be, if you work on it.

When i watched this movie for several times now, they have this recording of one another’s voices on how bad they feel going through the procedure because they want to forget each other. Clementine and Joel are both incomplete. Especially Clementine. She don’t know herself anymore. It’s like she is not the Clementine that she knew. It started when she’s with Joel. Joel’s life, as he always states, is not interesting. As Clem told Joel that her life is an open book to him, but Joel never shares any personal details to Clem. They’re not that open to one another.

Clementine is the one who did it first. The whole ‘erasing him’ thing. Joel just did the procedure because he can’t take the pain anymore. He’s confused. He must really love her to the extent that he don’t want to lose her and he kept on running away with her on his memories while he can to suppress the memory of her. While the guys who does the erasing thing is deleting Joel’s memories, he fights back. He doesn’t want it.

Sadly, he can’t. It’s already done. It’s too late.

In this case, when Joel woke up, he didn’t remember anything about Clem. Every piece of her in his apartment. Gone. Every memory, good ones and bad ones. Gone. I thought that it’s over. But fate will tell you when it is over. You will have your second chance. Just make sure that it will work for good. It’ll still be hard but as long as you’re in it together, nothing will go wrong.

If you really are meant to be, chances are, fate will bring you back together.

It came to me in the most obvious way… that love can be challenging. You thought that you’ve met the most undesirable person in the world just because he didn’t meet your standards. But did it ever occur to you that maybe you have to change something in yourself too? That maybe you’ve been this unkind person as well and you’re also thinking that you are doing just fine, but the truth is, you’re not. Sometimes we believe that we must not care what other people think just because we know we’re not doing anything wrong. That’s not how it works.

If you know that someone is hurting because of your doings, are you still going to continue the way you handle things? Well, think again. What if that person is doing the same thing to you? And deep inside you really don’t like it cause you’re hurting.

Be respectful. Be sensitive. Be mindful that your mind doesn’t fit other people’s minds. We have our own beliefs. As long as you know that you’re not stepping on to someone, then everything should be fine. That’s how you are going to be remembered.

In my part, i’m just quiet. Well, sometimes i’m not. I can be cruel. I can be rude. I can be this monster who’ll not be satisfied with what I already know. I’m like a detective. I know what you are doing and what’s going to happen after you did it.

Every event are unpredictable.

Inevitable.

For those who wants to watch it, here’s the trailer:

[Reblogged from March 31, 2015]

Home Late

I’m not in the mood to tell you everything on what happened right now. And it’s a disaster.

I’ve been waiting for a ride for an hour and 15mins. That’s how long it took for me to go have my ride. I thought before 11.30pm that I’ll be home, but no… It’s already 12.24am. The driver picked me up at 12.15am.

It’s devastating. If only I can walk from the office to our house. The sad thing is it’s too far.

All the anger. Everything that I can feel today is really raging. I’m about to cry because of anger. It’s kindda hard to contain it.

Grr.

Drei

This is our endearment. I mean with my bestfriend, Ana.

I never thought that we will be this close. We’ve been together since 2005 or 2006. 2nd year Highschool. Then we were classmates again on 2007 and ended the year of 2008. Highschool graduation.

We had these so-called letters that we exchanged through-out those years. We are somewhat engaged with other people because we have our own group at that time. We had our own fights and we did succeed on making up and understand each other.

Sadly, she took B.S. in Tourism and I took B.S. in Network Administration in College.

We were not really that close at the time but we manage to have communication, I believe through texting, then we are still using Friendster that was popular on those days. Which happens to be changed into Facebook and it is more convenient.

If ever that me and my classmates passed by the culinary rooms, it smells amazing. She actually was one of the students cooking there and she always ask me to buy from their small store in the corridor. Haha. Can’t remember if I bought anything. Maybe or maybe not. 😀

When I came home from Macau way back 2011, we just suddenly communicated and went to this call center which is our very first BPO company. We just direct calls and no stress is involved. We can easily do the job without looking at the monitor for the transfer codes. We were fed up with the job because that’s the only thing we do. We applied on a different company and we were still able to be together, but at the latter part, we were on different teams and she left the company after 2 years but I continued for 4.

We were still communicating and have our out of towns. Honestly we always have this one time, big time outings. Haha. Year per year. We see each other or sometimes I hang out on their condo and drink tequila! Oh, yeah! (Not gonna do it again! Haha)

Then we are now on this awesome company and we’re together. Again. Haha. It’s funny to realize that I can summarize everything that we have accomplished so far but just like what I said, it’s summarized.

We have gone through a lot. As in, big time. It’s a lot. And we recovered. We are always recovering. Yes, we have our ups and downs and we are cool with it. There are some parts that I don’t understand her at all but it’s a good thing to wait for her explanation for her actions. I do not ask her to tell it to me the things that are inevitable but it will naturally appear on one of our conversations ( Especially if we’re drunk! :D). It’s healthy that way.

I don’t want to judge her with everything that’s happening along the way. She had her problems and I know it all. She had her reasons and I now understand why she is doing it. To be honest, I’m skeptical and I’m not a perfect person, so what I do is, I’m not gonna investigate about it. I will let her tell me what it is. It is a good thing actually.

I’m not gonna force her about things that she is not ready to tell me.

All I have to do is wait.

For 13 years of friendship… for all the trouble, this is worth it.